Posted on by esskaythinks

The Struggle is Real

Today was another one of those days that I fought with myself over why I should get out of the bed. I wanted to start this blog so people like me know they are not alone when it comes to that daily struggle of just living. That constant nervous feeling you get when you leave your house wondering “did I turn the cooker off” “is everything locked” and the classic “oh shit I definitely left the iron plugged in”. I have been on route to work and have turned back to make sure everything is off. 

I was hoping to start this blog as a diary of someone who deals with anxiety every single day. I know that there is so many people out there who can relate. 

Anyways enough babbling, this morning went a little like this…

Rational thinking

Wow I’m so tired. Why did I stay up so late ? Anyway better get up and go the gym, kickstart the day with some excecise. I use excercise as an escape from everything so I try go as much as I can. Trust me it helps. Oh I just remembered I have work today 😩 better make the gym quick and get back to get ready. I HATE being late to anything. Least I get to see my friends in work so it’s not all bad. I’m so excited because I finally wrote my first blog last night. I’m actually really proud of myself. I never thought I would do it! I better leave the more time in the gym the better. 

Irrational thinking

Oh my god I am so tired! I stayed up so late thinking about everything like always. Why am I so weird ? I want to be normal. Ughhhh and now I have to go to the stupid gym. I hate it so much I don’t even know why I go ? I can never change my ugly face in the gym. Stop pitying yourself and grow up! And I have work!! I hate my job I should just quit nobody I work with likes me. I must be so annoying to them. I’m so annoying to me so how can they put up with me ? I can’t stop thinking about the first blog I wrote last night. I am such a loser why would anyone want to read it ? Here you go again, give over with the self pity. Well, I better go to the gym so I can get back to go to work. I don’t have the energy to leave my bed right now but 5 more minutes might help ….

Shit I’m late for work I fell back asleep. 

39 Replies to “The Struggle is Real”

  2. Interesting first post! I liked how you showed two different and conflicting points of view within your mind. As someone who deals with anxiety on a daily basis I can relate to how the negative thoughts take over 😔

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  9. Hey!
    So glad I found your blog. I love this post and can relate so much. I also have a form of anxiety, very mild but it seems to have gotten more powerful within the last year. I actually lost a few friends because of my anxiety.
    You’re train of thought is similar to mine. I HATE going to the gym, but I still go lol. I say the same thing to myself about my own blogs too. Like why would anyone want to read my stuff. This post is very real and I’m glad I stumbled across it.

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  10. Hey,

    I saw your post, and I must say I completely understand.
    I myself suffer with the constant thinking and over thinking, the constant struggle that plagues the mind as I try to fall asleep, the constant worry, the fear, the doubt.
    never knowing how the next day will turn out.
    I’m glad to see that i’m not alone.
    And i’m glad to have read your post.
    I love the writing style, the thought process, and the shear honesty.
    It’s very hard to find people who can be open and honest about what’s going on with them and i commend you highly for it.

    I look forward to reading more of you work.

    😊😊

    – Phantom Nutcase

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    1. Thank you so much for that comment you don’t know how much I appreciate it and comments like this make me sure that people enjoy reading it I’m so grateful for it 🙂 it really is nice to know that I’m not alone thank you again 😊

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  12. I am a psychology student and I feel like I can understand exactly what you go through everyday… My mother deals with similar problems and it can really get overwhelming sometimes, worrying about the simplest of things.. It’s inspiring to see that you are writing about it,sharing with everyone out there. Keep up the good work.. 🙂

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    1. Do you think you were interested in psychology to try understand why you feel like that ? That’s why I am so interested in it. Yep that’s exactly me too and it must be hard for you and your mother but at least you both are not in your own! Thank you so much

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  13. I can totally relate to This! For me it is like this on the bad days. I call the irrational thinking the dark thoughts. I fight them off and tell them they aren’t real, but sometimes they just make me want to curl up in my bed and cry!

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  14. Hey there, Nice to meet! I’m a student of psychology and personally, I’m no stranger to anxiety. Besides, I’m so glad to have come across your blog. Without a doubt I could relate to your post because you’ve just voiced out what goes on in my mind too.

    Looking forward to read more of your posts!

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    1. Thank you for your comment ☺️ I hope you can relate to some more of my posts. I’m looking to study psychology next year! It’s a constant battle of the brain for us unfortunately 😩

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  17. I have a similar anxiety but with if I hurt peoples feeling or disapoint anyone and if I said the wrong thing or made a wrong decision. It is exhausting. But its always comforting to know you’re not alone, thanks for your honest writing.

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