I hear the saying “take the good with the bad” a lot of the time where I work. I work in a Bookies and believe me there can be a lot of good and bad in that place! But I heard it today and it got me thinking that sometimes that’s actually how my brain works.
I can be the most reasonable and understanding person you will ever meet. I accept everybody for who they are because you know, that’s who they are. I’m passionate about everything I do. For example I hate my job but I’m bloody well good at it! I will always put in 100% and go that extra mile for customers and my colleagues. I will love you until there is no more love in me left to give. Love is so powerful and I believe there is nothing wrong with giving as much of it as I can when I can. You can trust me with anything. I’m loyal. I’m selfless. I am a very good listener. I get excited helping people, it’s what gives me the will to keep on pushing myself to my career (psychologist). But then with all this good there is a lot of bad.
Sometimes, I can be very clingy to the point where it’s annoying. I am constantly afraid people are going to leave me that’s why I get like that which further more pushes people away. I don’t trust ANYBODY. I can’t. It’s not in me to trust people. I talk too much when I get nervous which leads me to getting a little light headed. I am too independent which makes it hard for me in relationships. I constantly beat myself up over not following my dreams. I will get there but I can’t help but make myself feel bad for not being there already. I need routine. If I’m slightly late or things are not going to plan I will start to freak out. I can’t be alone at night like literally cannot sleep because I think somebody is in my house trying to murder me.
In life, we have no choice to take the good with the bad which of course isn’t a bad thing but I sometimes think to myself what if the good stops coming ? To which I mean the good thoughts. What if I only start to think bad ? Does anybody else ever feel this way ?